Gus
Venture Capitalist specializing in disruptive nap technology, bottle-to-market strategies, and high-yield diaper innovations.
About
At just 6 months old, I've already mastered the art of disruption. My track record speaks for itself: from revolutionizing sleep schedules to pioneering new methods in food rejection.
I bring a fresh perspective to venture capital—literally. My investment thesis is simple: if I can't put it in my mouth, it's not worth funding.
Location
Crib, Second Floor
Age
6 Months (182 Days)
Languages
Crying (Native), Babbling (Fluent), Giggling (Advanced)
Experience
Chief Executive Officer
Household Operations Inc.
- • Successfully commanded attention of 2+ C-suite executives (Parents) 24/7
- • Reduced household sleep efficiency by 87% through strategic midnight operations
- • Pioneered new methods in resource acquisition (milk, toys, attention)
- • Managed portfolio of 12+ stuffed animals with varying ROI potential
Sleep Consultant
Self-Employed
- • Developed innovative sleep disruption strategies with 99% success rate
- • Consulted on optimal crying times for maximum attention yield
- • Specialized in 3 AM wake-up calls and nap resistance techniques
Product Tester
Various Toy Manufacturers
- • Conducted rigorous quality assurance through mouth-based testing protocols
- • Evaluated 50+ products for chewability, throwability, and general chaos potential
- • Provided immediate feedback through crying and giggling metrics
Core Competencies
Technical Skills
Business Acumen
Investment Focus
Education & Certifications
Life Sciences Immersion Program
University of Mom & Dad
Intensive 6-month program covering milk consumption, sleep deprivation techniques, and advanced crying strategies. Currently pursuing additional coursework in solid foods and walking.
Certified Cuteness Professional
Issued by Everyone Who Sees Me
Master of Chaos Engineering
Self-Certified, Daily Practice
By the Numbers
Let's Build the Future Together
I'm currently accepting pitch meetings during my 2 PM awake window. Please submit all investment proposals in formula bottle format.